My Name Is KK

"Krishna,you must go to the alumni meet in school with your brother,all the old students have been invited,think of how much the school has done for you",my mom said .I grudgingly agreed.It was true,the school had done so much for me.But I had lost so much there too,would I be like to be reminded of it?...Involuntarily my mind went back to the year 2003.....



THE FALL FROM GRACE
YEAR:2003
Standard:8th
They generally say a star shines brightest before it dies out,the same was true with me.With excellent academic records till my 7th standard, I entered 8th standard.To my glee,I was in a section with all my old friends,friends whom I had last been with only in my 3rd or 4th grades.The class had the best brains competing with each other for the numero uno position.We were informed that our 8th,9th and 10th performance would be closely monitored and would serve as a criteria for our post 10th admissions in the school.This only added fuel to the fire and we were forced to work doubly hard.
The year began,and very soon tests were announced.For reasons that I initially couldn't fathom I began losing interest in academics.It was all a part of growing up I realised years later,adolescence.Unfinished homeworks,incomplete records,parent-teacher meetings,a sudden curiosity in the opposite sex and a sudden interest in making myself look better.Of course it wasn't like I was the only one who was growing up,others were too...but let me just say I did not handle adolescence very well.This I can say because my friends were doing really well in their studies.My academics reached an all time low and I barely was scraping through the tests and exams.And believe me,I did not know why I couldn't do well,to cover up for my poor academics I began lying to my friends about my marks because I did not have the courage to face failure,especially when I knew that 'once upon a time' I was better than all of them.They too knew that I was lying,so on purpose they would call me and ask me my marks,and once I told them my marks they would exchange knowing glances at each other..
The academic year finally came to an end,thanks to the support of my parents and my classteacher(Miss Sneha) I had managed to clear 8th standard.Little did I know the effects of all this would be permanent....



POST 8TH STANDARDUsually success inevitably arouses a ravenous envy.Failure is more palatable.When failure becomes chronic,the flashbulbs move away and the flowers stop coming.Post 8th standard,the flowers stopped coming to me too....
Year 2004
Standard :9th
History is marked by A.D and B.C.But for me,there is a period that I will term as 'post 8th standard'.I would realise in due time the full magnitude of what one year's failure could do to a person's life.I generally believed that my odd years in education(like 3rd,5th and 7th standard) were far better than my even years,so in a way I was looking forward to my 9th standard.
The year began,I had a nice class I thought and promised myself that I would make up for the previous year's loss.But,I was mistaken.Academicswise there was a marginal improvement I thought.However,that improvement wasn't good enough to make friends.Academics suddenly became a criteria for friendship,once upon a time friends gave me the cold shoulder,I was confused because there were many others who were even worse than me,but they had friends.Reason...they were cool while I wasn't.
Cool esentially meant,a fancy hairstyle,hanging out with the gals and making them laugh and appear chilled about everything.I did mention about my curiosity with the opposite sex,but let me be frank I just did not know how to behave in front of gals.I was pretty direct with most of them,they found me indecent,perverted and unattractive.But this was least of my worries,word had spread through most of the classmates that I wasn't really good academics and stuff,so it would be better to stay away from me....I dreaded going to school those days,because my classmates were indifferent to my presence in class.Customary Hi,Hello's were all ignored....all this took a heavy toll on my mind,for one thing I can admit I am an emotional person.And I had no idea what academics or being cool had to do with friendship...My class teacher called me a very average student in front of my parents.My parents without my knowledge called one of my 'former' friends home and requested him to include me as one of his friends and said that I was going through a bad phase and I would be ok soon.......Strange right?
MY LAST YEAR IN SCHOOL


Year :2005
Standard: 10th
10th standard,one of those years that is really important to a person's life.By now I knew that my chances of staying in school after 10th were mild and I had to buck up and do really well if I wanted to stay.I had raised the expectations of most teachers because I was the brother of a former school captain and in the words of the teachers 'a model student' .The first tests came to an end,I had flunked both my math papers,my science scores were in 60s and 70s.I had remedial classes in school for these.And by now,most of my friends and teachers were convinced about my worthlessness..I still vividly recall one incident in class.
It was the maths period,we had finished doing our problems.So as always I picked up a novel and started reading it.My maths teacher saw that and called out"Krishna Kumar,what are you reading?".I replied"A novel Sir".He gave me a sarcastic smile and said"You dont read your school books only,what will you read or understand from novels"?.Those words hit me with an incredible force and for the first time I realised what it feels to be like a loser.I was still the lone wolf,and I was used to being alone by then.
By god's grace,my performance suddenly showed improvement after my first preps.That progressed steadily and I managed to do pretty well in my boards too...84.4%.It was not something really great,my 'former friends' were in the 90s...but then for someone who was written off,I thought it was truly credible.I was finally relieved,I would have friends again....but I spoke too soon.For one it took me a while for the truth to sink in,I was no longer in school.My name wasn't there in the 90 odd students who were selected for their 11th and 12th in NPS.I made repeated visits to the school requesting my teachers and vice principal to give me one chance...all in vain.
1ST AND 2Nd P.U


Years:2006 & 2007
My previous blog entry describe my p.u ,so I wouldn't get into those details.One thing I did miss my school a lot,I vividly remember,though I used to get off in Bhashyam Circle from my bus,I used to make frequent detours to school and peer through the walls longingly at my friends inside..and desperately wishing I could be there too.I wasnt sure if they still hated me,so I used to walk in front of them purposely so that they would speak to me,all in vain....no change
April 15th ,we were supposed to be takin up our VIT entrance exam.Only after going to the examination hall I realised that I would be meeting my schoolmates here.I finished my exam,one of my p.u friends had a friend in NPS.He wanted to speak to her.I knew her,and I remember her as the gal who called me SRK in 3rd standard.She came to speak to my friend,that's when she looked upto me and said"Oh!Krishna Kumar is it?U writing these exams too,tough to believe!" and walked away....Nothing had changed....In a few months,the results of VIT were declared,and to my happiness I beat half the NPSites in it,especially that gal,we had a difference of close to 8000 ranks.
That was it,I joined RV,A FEW NPSites who messed up their 12th came upto me during our fest and asked me how much I had to pay to get a seat in RV.....

THE ALUMNI MEET
DECEMBER 2009
I finally decided to go to school with my bro for the alumni meet.It was the first time I had set my foot in school after passing out,and for the first time I would be meeting my schoolmates.I walked into school with confidence that I had nothing to be ashamed of now and that I was as good as any of them.The teachers were really warm to me and I was surprised that they remembered me.I waited to see which of my friends would turn up.About 8 of them did turn up,it was the first time I was seeing them in years and memories of the time we spent together flooded me.I was siezed by a sudden impulse to speak to them and tell them how much their friendship would mean to me....
When you generally meet a person after years together,you say more than just a 'hi' or 'hello'.I saw two of my class gals,I walked upto them and said"hey hi,long time!".They looked at me with cold indifference,said "hi" and just walked off..leaving me gaping at them.They joined a gang of other boys and gals and began conversing.Being shameless I followed them and stood near the group.The gang took no notice of me,or if they did they did not show it....Finally,it was photos time,we were called for the photos.batches 2005-2008 were put together.I smiled to myself,now my classmates would definitely speak to me.We sat for the photos,there was one gal next to me,I knew her pretty well in school,so I tried to initiate a conversation with her.To my dismay,she ignored me and started speaking to my juniors whom she did'nt even know.She started asking them their names and stuff leaving me alone again.
I had enough,I had a silent lunch in school all alone.My batchmates were busy clicking group photos and they had fun,I watched them longingly....and then began walking back home trying to contemplate all that happened....




I dont really know the reason as to why I am being discriminated.Is it my looks?Am I too short?Isn't Sachin Tendulkar short too?Is it because I was bad in academics?Wasn't Bill Gates,a dropout?I am not as great as them but then ...I am personally at a loss of words...To all my NPS batchmates...."My Name Is KK,And I Am Not A Bad Guy...."if thats what all of you think of me...
And to all my P.U and R.V friends..batchmates,seniors and juniors...thank you for making me feel that I'm loved...so much that I seldom think of my NPS friends(if i could call them that),I am fortunate to have you people around and I thank you for bearing with me...I shall try and entertain all of you as much as possible,so much so that when I die...I would like this to be engraved on my grave..
"Here lies a man who tried to keep people smiling when he was alive and desperately hoped that he was successful in doing so"..........